What I learned from Grief by Donniece Gooden
Worldwide - August 26, 2024 (USANews.com) -
I'm Donniece Gooden and here is my story:
It was in 2018 or 2017 that my Dad told me he was dying. I could not process that. I also could not process watching this big, strong, marathon runner become weak. My hero was human. At that time I traveled a lot for work and made it a point to see my Dad whenever I could.
I lost my Dad in 2019. I was his mini-me and he was my hero. As I got older he and I became the best of friends. We traveled to festivals together, went to jazz clubs together, and just enjoyed each others company. We talked for hours everyday. He was my best friend. As a kid I looked up to him. He was a firefighter, a veteran, drove a Harley, a marathon runner and athletic, tall, strong, and smart. After my parents divorced, he sometimes slept in his car in order to graduate from Purdue with an Engineering Degree. It was important to him to be able to help his children go to college. He graduated the year I graduated high school. He landed a nice job and he made sure I went to the college of my choice. I thought he was superman.
I got a call around 2:00 pm on April 13th, 2019. The Doctor said he would call when it was time to say good bye. I got the call. I could not process that I was the person that had to turn off the switch.
I drove 5 hours because I was responsible for turning off the switch. Up until that point I traveled just about every night from Atlanta to Tennessee to be there with him. I was mentally, spiritually, and physically exhausted. I remember walking out of hospice with his belongings, alone. I remember having to drive from Chattanooga back to Atlanta alone.
- You learn a lot about people when you are at your lowest point. One thing I found particularly disturbing were the people that wanted to control how I grieved. Sometimes in the black community, black women are not treated like human beings, we are treated like machines. I was supposed to be strong and keep on pushing. This is what I was known for, the ability to keep pushing despite the obstacles, despite the hurt. This time I just could not. I became someone I did not know, but fortunately found myself again. During this time -
- There were relatives that never called;
- There were people that walked out on me;
- There were relatives that treated him horribly when he was alive, but viciously pursued his money after he died; and
- There were people who would not help in any way, but had a lot of opinions of what I should do next.
I cut all of these people out of my life and don’t miss them. As Maya Angelou said, “when people show you who they are, believe them.” People usually show who they really are during times of crisis. Remember that.
Thus far that was the most painful experience of my life. However, I learned so much from that experience. Here is what I learned about grief and the importance of now.
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Heartbreak will make or break you. It’s up to you.
Pets are AMAZING. When there was no-one else there, I had my fur babies. They treated me with such love and care. They could tell I was going through something. I was always a pet lover and this solidified it even more.
There is no time limit on grief. Yes, it gets easier to deal with, but you never really get over losing someone that was really special to you, and that is ok.
Grief can be a heavy and overwhelming experience, but it also holds valuable lessons. One of the most profound things I've learned from navigating grief is the importance of living in the present moment.
When we're faced with the loss of a loved one, it becomes painfully clear how fleeting and precious each moment is. The future we had envisioned is suddenly uncertain, and all we're left with is the here and now. This realization can be both terrifying and liberating.
In the midst of grief, it becomes natural to focus on cherishing every interaction, savoring the small joys, and not taking a single day for granted. Grief has a way of stripping away the unnecessary distractions and reminding us to be fully present with the people and experiences that matter most.
While the pain of loss can feel overwhelming, grief also has the power to deepen our appreciation for life and our connections with others. By learning to live more mindfully, we can honor the memory of those we've lost and find solace in the beauty of the present moment.
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Grief is a universal human experience, yet it can feel so isolating. When we're in the throes of it, it's easy to get caught up in the pain and lose sight of the present moment. But what I've learned from my own journey through grief is the profound importance of living in the now.
In the aftermath of loss, the future can feel uncertain and the past can be too painful to dwell on. That's why it's so crucial to anchor ourselves in the here and now. By focusing on the small, meaningful moments unfolding before us each day, we give ourselves a lifeline to cling to.
It's in those quiet, reflective times - a walk in nature, a conversation with a loved one, even the simple act of brewing a cup of tea - where we can find glimmers of peace and comfort. These present-moment experiences don't erase our grief, but they can provide us with much-needed respite and perspective.
Ultimately, grief is a profound teacher, urging us to savor each day, to cherish our connections, and to find beauty in the midst of sorrow. While the journey is never easy, learning to live mindfully can make all the difference in navigating the most difficult of times.
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Grief can be a heavy burden to carry, but it also has the power to teach us invaluable lessons about life. One of the most profound things I've learned from navigating grief is the importance of living in the present moment.
When we lose someone dear to us, it becomes painfully clear how fleeting and precious our time is. The future we envisioned is shattered, and all we're left with is the here and now. This realization can be both terrifying and liberating.
In the midst of my own grief, I've learned to slow down and savor the small moments that I might have previously taken for granted. A sunset, a warm embrace, a shared laugh with a loved one - these seemingly ordinary occurrences have become profound reminders to be fully present and appreciative of the life I have.
Grief has a way of stripping away the non-essentials and helping us reconnect with what truly matters. It's a difficult but necessary journey that can ultimately lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and a renewed appreciation for the beauty of the present.
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Grief and heartbreak can be some of the most challenging experiences we face in life. When we're in the midst of it, it can feel like the pain will never end. But through my own journey of loss and heartbreak, I've learned that even in our darkest moments, there are valuable lessons to be found.
One of the most important things I've learned is the importance of living in the present moment. When we're grieving, it's so easy to get caught up in the what-ifs and the shoulda-coulda-wouldas. But the truth is, the past is gone and the future is uncertain. All we have is right now.
By focusing on the here and now, on the small joys and moments of beauty that are available to us each day, we give ourselves the space to heal. Grief will always be a part of us, but it doesn't have to consume us. We can learn to hold space for both the pain and the wonder of being alive.
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Grief and heartbreak can feel overwhelming, but they also hold valuable lessons. When we're faced with profound loss it can be easy to get caught up in the pain and sadness. However, these difficult experiences also teach us the importance of living in the present moment.
During times of grief, we're forced to slow down and focus on the here and now. The future can feel uncertain, and dwelling on the past only amplifies our suffering. Instead, we learn to take each day as it comes, cherishing the small moments of beauty and peace that arise, even amidst the darkness.
Heartbreak, too, reminds us not to take anything for granted. The love and connection we once had can disappear in an instant, underscoring how precious and fleeting life can be. This realization encourages us to be more present, to savor our relationships, and to express our feelings openly and honestly while we can.
Ultimately, the lessons of grief and heartbreak point us towards a more mindful, appreciative way of living. They teach us to let go of the past, to embrace the uncertainty of the future, and to fully inhabit each precious moment. Though the journey is painful, these experiences have the power to transform us, guiding us towards a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
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